In different chapters of my life I have been forced like everyone else to portray different versions of myself. You have a work version of yourself, you also have different versions of yourself which are seen by friends and family. All of which is different to each specific individual. Everyone holds of fictitious version of you, including yourself.
You have the version of yourself when you are alone with your own thoughts unbeknownst to others or perhaps a very small select group of people.
The version of yourself that people see in a sports league or while volunteering is not the version of you that a spouse or a loved one may have of you. We enter every role with a specific set of requirements. My work persona is not the same persona as when I’m: hiking, painting, writing, photographing, or at leisure.
My coworkers do not see me as a writer or photographer or is an outdoorsman. They simply see me in the context of what I do for eight hours a day. And I am equally as guilty in regards to this with their lives as well.
So here I am; 5 and 1/2 years from retirement about to start the final chapter of a very long and complex story called my life.But the question to myself is, how do I wish this story to end.
Do I wish this story to end with the whimpering or majestically. Two years ago my neighbor Bill passed away. The last few months of his life he was moved into a nursing home. The quality of his life was greatly diminished. In his everyday life it was a retired carpenter, an avid surfer, and a former United States Marine. After suffering an accident while surfing he lost sight in one of his eyes and that greatly impacted his quality of life because he was no longer able to do the thing which gave him the most pleasure in life.
I don’t wish to fall into that category. I wish to remain active, to pursue my interests, to teach what I have learned to others and to pass on what I have learned from others and from life itself. I am presently in that gray area of life trying to stay a few stages ahead of the encroaching decrepitude. Dying does not worry me in the least but the idea of being incapacitated and sickly worries me to the point of caution. As a diabetic I remind myself daily to take care of myself and to eat the proper foods, to get exercise and to stay generally active.
My concern is as a bachelor and as someone who is 3,000 miles away from his nearest relative that at some point I will no longer be able to take care of myself. This is a genuine concern even for someone who is focused on his health on general well-being.
The question for myself is how do I continue to be active, stay healthy, and to be the best version of myself that I can be. Do I start digging a hole now — that’s not my style. Should I endeavor to stay fit, active, curious about the world around me, and endeavor to learn new things. My intention is to stay relevant to the very end. I’ve seen too many of my friends and forebears to degenerate into a hollow version of themselves. My father retired early because of an injury, he was a disabled veteran. He spent his time smoking, drinking beer, and wallowing in his regrets. I find that to be an unfathomable legacy to follow.
I want to die with my hiking boot on. I want to explore the magnificent region of the Pacific Northwest which I have chosen to live in and in which I choose to die. I choose to continue writing, doing my nature photography, and working my absolutely horrible art work. I plan on taking courses to learn 3D printing, artificial intelligence, as well as other technical interests.
My story isn’t over till the very last sentence and this story won’t end in a whimper drowning in regret.
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