Eudaimonia Journal

The Reality Bubble

Family, friends, and coworkers have their own and unique fictional view of you. We are all guilty of the same in reverse. My 70 year old sister thinks of me in terms of being that brat kid brother under 10. She was genuinely baffled that I had aged (61). Some people only see you through their memories of you. My sister still refers to what in my mind was a long forgotten 35 year old disagreement. But to her…”it still bugs me, Kevin!”

The Harvard Neuro-psycholgist Robert Anton Wilson called this peoples’ “reality bubble.” We all have one as well. We see the world and others through lenses distorted by our own imperfect perspectives. The trick is recognizing that we are guilty of it ourselves and to adjust our perspectives appropriately .

Some people will like you, some people will hate you most people will be completely indifferent to you. The good news is that no one is keeping score. The drama that is going on in people’s heads have absolutely nothing to do with you. I can say with confidence that out of the seven and a half billion people on the face of the planet no one is up tonight worrying about my opinion of them and as such neither should you worry about other people’s opinion of you. It’s unnecessary toxic baggage that you don’t need to carry around.

I remember many years ago when my  stepdaughter was in high school she wanted tacos. The taco shop was about two blocks away so I asked her why don’t you just walk there. Her reply was, “but somebody might think something!” She was actually afraid that people might judge her for walking to the taco shop. I never forgot that moment. Because it demonstrated to me that some people are afraid of other peoples’ thoughts as if those fleeting thoughts had any basis in reason, reality or tangibility. There are people who actually live that way.

The fear of judgment is like a psychological chain around one’s neck. I don’t have that mindset but I have seen it in others. I’ve met people who were startled simply by being greeted with a good morning. I think it is a healthy mindset that one should not be bothered by the opinions of others. One should see the opinions of others as simply noise, like a car passing or a fire engine in the distance.

It has taking me decades to stop listening to my inner chatter. It has also taking me equally as long to simply try to focus on a reality outside of my head. To enjoy the simple interactions that I have with people on a daily basis. All of the people that I meet on a daily basis are forming opinions of which I am not privy to and I have no need to inquire as to what they may entail.

I try to be attentive to people’s moods and body language but I do not feel the need to be subjected to them in any meaningful manner. The majority of our interactions in society are fruitless in nature. They are simply polite rituals in courtesies that we use to navigate our way through society. But unfortunately many people do not have the social skills to negotiate their way through life. This is partly due to nature and partly due to nurture.

I can remember in my awkward teens I was very introverted and this carried on to my adult life. It wasn’t until I realized not pay attention to my inner chatter that I have become comfortable with myself and others in society.

To achieve this one has to realize that one should not believe everything that you think. It’s simply noise and lights. The 19th century German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer had pointed out that the idea of something is not the thing in reality. You cannot eat the idea of an apple but you can eat an apple. You cannot drink the idea of water but you can drink water.

In closing, simply don’t believe what you think. Only acknowledge that which is tangible, real, and which has substantial value to you. Nothing else matters, The rest is just noise.